


Master Your Emotions

by violasarecool



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Backstory, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Nonbinary Character, past death mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 05:52:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16717643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violasarecool/pseuds/violasarecool
Summary: days after kira is taken hostage by a sith over ord mantell, riaksu is still having trouble shaking the memories that surfaced. luckily, kira is impatient, and makes her talk about it





	Master Your Emotions

"Did I do something wrong?"

The room came slowly back into focus; Riaksu winced, eyes narrowed against the explosion of light as she was pulled roughly out of her meditative state. She stared up at the doorway, brain barely making sense of the figure standing there. "What?" she managed, a slight ringing in her ears.

"I mean, I just don't get it," the figure said, starting to pace back and forth across the doorway—Kira, her face screwed up in a scowl. "You've been avoiding me since Ord Mantell."

"I haven't—"

"You have!" Kira cut her off, "you've barely even spoken to me since, except to tell me to _stay on the ship_."

Riaksu swallowed, eyes dropping to the floor. "I'm sorry," she murmured, running a hand down the side of her face, "I wasn't trying to—didn't think—" She sighed. "Will you sit?" she said, gesturing to the floor in front of her, and Kira nodded slowly, settling opposite Riaksu with a troubled expression.

"Okay, so. You always look kind of serious, but this is... a little more than usual."

Riaksu gave a huff of a laugh that had little humour in it. "Well, I think this deserves it." She shifted forward a little, posture relaxing out of her seated meditation stance into a slight slump over her crossed legs. "I'm sorry for ignoring you, recently. What happened in the orbital station, it... shook me, more than it should have, and I didn't know how to deal with it."

"Try something _other_ than radio silence, next time," Kira said dryly, but there was an anxious look to her that only worsened the guilt tugging at Riaksu's chest.

"Okay," Riaksu said gently. She breathed deeply, feeling the Force swirling around them, the tendrils of light weaving through her consciousness, strengthening her resolve. "Do you know why I only returned to Tython less than a month ago?"

Kira shrugged. "You were training on the move, I assumed. It's not uncommon."

"True," Riaksu allowed. "But that's not it."

"Then...?"

"I've never actually been to Tython before," Riaksu said. "Not before the week I met you. Master Lonisse, my master, never returned to Tython after the destruction of the temple on Coruscant; they went to meditate out in a group of small temples in the expansion region, and ended up staying there. When they finally agreed to take on a new padawan—me—they trained me there."

"You probably didn't meet a lot of people, then," Kira guessed, and Riaksu nodded.

"There were only a handful of attendants in the temples by then, and no other Jedi; everyone else left for Tython when the call went out. We were pretty isolated, far away from any kind of civilisation, so we took care of everything ourselves—repairs, food, cleaning. I was a well-rounded student," Riaksu said with a ghost of a smile. "But that also meant we could only count on ourselves. Ships only landed on the planet once every few months, and our long-range comms were spotty at best."

Kira was quiet now, as if she sensed where the story was going. "Master Lonisse was out in the jungle trying to fix a bug in the power systems when a storm hit." Riaksu's voice was carefully neutral, her concentration split between the words themselves and the mental shields so carefully constructed around the chaotic memory. "I tried to go out and find them, but the wind and the rain was so strong, we had to seal the temples against the floodwater. There was nothing I could do."

"I'm so sorry," Kira breathed.

"They're one with the Force now," Riaksu said woodenly. "But..." Here, she wavered, uncertain if she should be telling this after all. "When I saw you on the orbital station, that Sith holding you hostage, I panicked. I felt that same helplessness, and instead of taking the time to think, I immediately lashed out. I put both of us in danger."

"You also got us _out_ of danger," Kira pointed out.

Riaksu shook her head. "Barely."

They were quiet for a moment, the humming of the ship a gentle undercurrent in Riaksu's mind. "Ok, so, maybe I'm a little slow," Kira said carefully, "but what I don't get is how you get from that to just. Completely avoiding me."

"I needed a little space to think," Riaksu admitted. "One of the main tenants of the order is not letting emotion cloud your judgement. But I've let it completely overwhelm me not once, but _twice_ _._ I'm don't know if I'm cut out to be your master."

"Your master _died,"_ Kira exclaimed, wrinkling her nose, "I think you're allowed to be sad about that."

"I was catatonic," Riaksu said flatly. "When the storm passed, I stayed out alone in one of the old abandoned temples for _weeks,_ so deep in the Force I didn't even get hungry or thirsty. I just... meditated, hoping to catch some hint of my master. It was selfish—they were at peace, and all I wanted was for them to be back with me. I wasn't behaving like a Jedi."

"That's stupid," Kira said flatly. "What are you saying, Jedi shouldn't mourn? Jedi shouldn't, what, care about people? You can't tell me you're a lesser Jedi for _caring_ , Ria, you're one of the kindest Jedi I know, that's half of why I..." She trailed off, staring at Riaksu. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Riaksu blinked, glanced away. "Sorry, it's just... no one's called me that since they died."

"Ria?" Kira said quietly.

"Yeah." Riaksu rested her head on her hand for a moment, eyes drifting closed. Then, she straightened, settling back into a comfortable position, back straight, shoulders back. "Meditate with me?" she murmured between deep breaths, her pulse slowing. Kira didn't say anything, but she heard movement, felt Kira settle into a similar state of relaxation. Before Riaksu had time to descend too deeply, however, Kira spoke again.

"Are you going to take me back to Tython?"

Riaksu's eyes flickered open; Kira's eyes were still closed, mouth a thin line. "No. I'm not giving up."

Kira's mouth curved in a small smile. "Good."

They fell silent, then, the outside world fading away beneath the gentle current of the Force; its swirling eddies cradling them, side by side, until it was as if they had never been anywhere else.


End file.
